Catherine-Ann / Pure-Grace

Apr. 14, 2021

REALLY FEELING REAL FOR THE 1st TIME

Wednesday, April 14, 2021 3:52 PM

Well, since I heard the word 'chemo' applied to my upcoming future, I've been battling feelings of anxiety, insecurity and dread. I guess fear is in there too!   Thank God for a couple of friends who have traveled down a similar road. Their wisdom and encouragement shared, are a great gift to me.

The 'bald' thing (which the doctor said is 100% gonna happen) has done 2 things: got me spending time searching out wigs (I bought one) and today, fabric for turbans. Each time I venture down that \chemo' road, my stomach flips and I feel light headed. I'm pushing through it, wanting to be prepared before I need these things, because I know it won't be a walk in the park when the time comes, to venture out and go 'shopping'! 

My conversations, especially with those who have had the lost hair experience, always turn into a comedy act that would win a Grammy. But…. In the meantime, the humour is not exactly the #1 theme in my head. I figured trying to invision my inevitable 'look' would lessen the shock of when it does happen. All the pictures on line show women so beautifully made up with pixie faces, acing 'the look', with huge smiles. I thought, "Well, I'll just get a great lipstick!" Yah, the inside of my mask will enjoy that! It is getting 'less difficult', so I'm gonna keep trying to prepare for it. At some point I'm sure I'll laught at this, or at least roll my eyes, if/when I'm trying to manage through a reaction to the treatment, that's a lot more 'uncomfortable'.

   I'm disappointed in myself for spending more than a moment on the negative aspects. So today, I spent time sharing my heart with Fr. Larry, and from his loving words of wisdom & consolation, the 'fighting word' that stayed with me is JOY! So, instead of only praying for the absence of anxiety, fear or whatever is not helping me feel better, I'm asking for "JOY"! And I certainly can't forget "PEACE"!  So that's my immediate homework! I'll let you know how its going. 

I still have not heard a date for when I start the chemo.  So stay tuned. God bless you. Thank you for your love, support, encouragement and especially your prayers. xooxoxox