Catherine-Ann / Pure-Grace

May. 16, 2022

"SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS ACHING" (a song inspired by Charly Chaplin)

Sunday, May 15, 2022

   I've loved that song since I was a little girl! That's what I try to do! It's not to fool anyone, it's to help me try to not give in to the sadness, anxiety, fear or depression that continually knocks at the door of my heart. I just heard this saying "Fear knocked at the door, faith answered and no one was there!" … and that exercise sometimes is repeated over & over & over for my heart to really get the message.

   A dear friend told me today, that seeing my photos at the ocean, going for walks, posting happy faces, gives the impression that I can and/or have overcome the tough stuff. Well, I post what is my most powerful truth at that time. It's a constant battle, fighting against depression that tries to gain an inch, foot… mile And it's why I say "This is the day the Lord has made, I will be glad & rejoice in it!" Do I feel like saying it every day? Not always! But I know it's a powerful prescription that helps cure what ails me, or at the least, keep the darkness from consuming me.

 My truth for the past few days has been that a series of sad news has taken its toll on my spirit of joy. Other people's pain does not usually weigh me down. I hold it with a prayerful heart & don't ruminate over whatever it is. What I'm about to share, I hope you would be generous in holding in prayer as well. 

…My very dear friend, Inez, was just diagnosed with CLL - Chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Her chemo IV treatments are scheduled for 2 days a week until Sept. There is much added stress, due to two other family members requiring special care in her home. 

…My sister-in-love Linda called with her heart breaking. Her 21 yr old grand niece took her own life a few days ago. The family has suffered much grief before this tragedy and are grieving beyond what can be imagined.

…Our cousin Shirley has covid, after isolating herself so she could safely visit her friend in hospice. Her friend tested positive, then Shirley did the following week.

… Someone I love dearly tested positive for covid a day or so, after visiting with her son from out of town, who took her to her other son's home. Her grand-daughter dropped by with her 2 month old baby to join in the visit. The fear and guilt that my loved one shared, broke my heart. She is the kindest, most considerate person and the pain she experienced in that week of waiting to hear if she had 'passed covid on' was excruciating. Thankfully, after a couple of weeks, she is back on her feet and no one in her family got covid.

   There are a couple of other 'items' to add to this list, but that's enough for now. Of course my sleep and physical pain are the pits. So all of this added up, has left me in not the greatest of shape emotionally. I'm on meds for depression, but I wouldn't know it this week. My friend, who also went through chemo when I did, said that a couple of therapists recommended CBD. Two days after starting a wee drop under her tongue in the am & pm, her pain was gone, and she's sleeping through the night. I'm going to do some reasearch and talk to my doctor this week about doing the same. I have my 3 month cancer follow-up with him, after blood tests tomorrow.

  During a couple of sleepless hours over the past while I discovered something I might not have, if I hadn't made myself get out of bed in the mddle of the night. I looked for positive verses of God's encouragement, hope, healing & consolation in the face of worry & anxiety. What a gift! I typed them (2 sided) and made a pamphlet. I read it aloud ever day and feel so nourished by it. I've got one in the car, and Larry will tell you that it has made a huge difference in defusing a very stressful situation. I'd be happy to send it to you, if you let me know! One other night, I spent a waking hour reading a beautiful reflection on the 23rd Psalm. I was lost in such a wonderfully peaceful place, far from all pain & emotional suffering. So, I learned a long time ago, to not get upset when I can't sleep. I get up and look forward to whatever consolation God has in store for me. Does it mean 'I'm all better!' At that time I am, but it's a constant battle, that God has equipped me to fight, if I want to try! And I do! Writing down each day, the things I am grateful for, brings much light to my day, & helps put things into perspective.

  So, I hope this blog hasn't left you feeling down, or sorry for me. Each of us have our own battles to fight and they aren't often won and done with by tackling it just once. I hope and pray for you, that you would have the courage, endurance, faith & hope that brings about peace for you. For me, peace is the bottom line, regardless of whatever challenge I meet on this journey, called 'my life'!  I'm grateful for you having joined me. God bless you!