Catherine-Ann / Pure-Grace

Aug. 11, 2022

"TO BE or NOT to BE"? I CHOSE to BE! 08.10.22

Wednesday, August 10, 2022 6:53 PM {Oh Yes! Isn't he so handsome? One of many of my favorite pics.}

   Our niece sent us a photo of her (almost) 4 yr. old daughter, seemingly mesmerized by a Shakespearian play. I was thinking about my time with Larry today just as I saw the photo & "To be or not to be? That is the question!" popped into my head. I didn't think of what it could mean, until walking into our home! When I read what Shakespeare was getting at when he said these words, I'm just not going there. For a day that seemed to have very little 'anything', I started to see the day in this way - I chose: to be hopeful; to be cheerful; to be an encourager; to be funny; to be helpful; to be loving & to be loved; to be prayerful; to be patient; to be as giving & creative as the situation allowed; to be grateful and…just to BE with my husband, as he is with me, whether near or away!

  Larry's procedures today: 4 hour dialysis & an Electroencephalogram (EEG) -' A test to monitor the electric sensitivity of the brain & thereby detect disorders 'if any', using electrodes.' Because the two procedures tired him out, Larry didn't have his usual afternoon, propped up, sitting in the wheelchair. I asked the nurse to position the bed in 'almost' a chair position. Still, it’s the bed, so I can't get close like I can & love doing, while he's in the chair.

   Larry opened his eyes my way, only 3 times for not much more than 5 seconds each time. I try not to be sad about that, but it makes me really miss him. I'm so grateful that my tablet can easily run for 5 hours, although I don't have it on all the time. I play songs that are familiar to Larry from his guitar or violin that he has enjoyed playing, over & over and seem to be a natural part of him. He really loves & plays & sings beautifully "Be Thou My Vision", "Caledonia" & "Ashokan Farewell" (fiddle). I remembered today "The Father's Love Letter" spoken scripture as God would speak it to each of His children. I found it when Mom was so compromised near the end of her life, & played it in Croatian. (its translated into hundreds of languages.) While it was playing, I held Larry's hand, leaned back in my chair, hearing it as spoken to Larry and hearing the consoling words speaking to me. I felt peaceful & strengthened with each tear that fell.

   The last music I played for Larry was 'Study Work Background' string instruments. The lively, current tunes seemed just right. When I plaly fiddle/violin music, I move Larry's right arm & hand as if holding the bow for his violin. This time, I held his left hand & tapped or moved each finger to the rhythm of the music as if maybe fingering the chords on his guitar. It felt so good to do it! Then, just before my time to go, Larry started moving the fingers on his right hand in almost the same way. That's definitely on the menu for tomorrow! 'Music activates multiple parts of the brain at the same time', so perhaps for now it’s the greatest 'instrument' to stimulate & help with healing. It would have been interesting to see what the EEG would have recorded during this music time.

 I'm happy that there was something refreshing to report after a day of little to no response from Larry. Shane & Courtney arrived as I was leaving, Hopefully Dad saved his alertness today for them.