Catherine-Ann / Pure-Grace

Aug. 26, 2022

FROM DESPAIR TO PEACE (08.25.22)

Thursday, August 25, 2022 7:37 PM

Hello, thank you for checking in!

  Well, at 4:00 this afternoon, I sure would not have thought the headline on this page would have had even a hint of a positive note. Such a rough day. More distress than usual for Larry with each cough. He is becoming more aware, which means he tries to pull at any of the 8 'things' attached or inserted into his body. He grimaces with pain over the bed sore at his tail bone.

   He had 3 hours of dialysis today, which doesn't seem to make a difference to his mood or sleepiness. He also had a chest Xray (they bring the machine to his room). They keep checking for pneumonia. It seems he has at least one Xray per week. He also had an antibiotic IV today for pneumonia. Every 4 hours he has a nebulizer over his nose & mouth that creates a mist out of liquid medication, allowing for quicker & easier absorption of meds into the lungs. He doesn't mind it at all & is quite peaceful after the 5 minute treatment.

  After a bout of very distressing coughing/wheezing he was wide awake. I came close to him making eye contact. He squeezed my hands tight and said (very clearly) "Help me!" That broke me. I had to leave because the Xray techs were coming in. I walked down the hall looking for a corner to let go of my pain. That ended up in the washroom, where I could wash my face & say 'Carpe Diem'! I'm grateful that it doesn't happen too often, especially in front of Larry. He is always protective of me, doesn't want to hurt my feelings, so I don't want him to have the added burden of having to be strong for me. (I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just saying it!)

  When I returned to the room, Larry got his 2nd nebulizer for the day followed by 2 hours of peace. The dialysis nurse & I have become familiar with each other & she was sharing a bit about her family. Something happened during the last 2 hours I sat with Larry. He slept peacefully, pulsing my hand in his, most of the time. The sadness began to leave me. Who knows, perhaps someone was really praying for me at that time. Maybe it was Larry! I constantly think of how, although Larry's mind & body are struggling to survive, his soul is very much alive. Often, when I play Christian songs that he's played & sang, he is very peaceful. Also, when I pray aloud & ask for an "Amen!" he whispers one.

  So, I'd say that the miracle for today is that I didn't stay stuck in the awful mud of distress. I came home to my balcony garden 'wilted'. First time, I forgot to water in the a.m. So gallons of H2o & they're perky again. I'm going to sit outside and enjoy them while night falls.  God bless you. xoxo