Sunday, March 7, 2021 5:45 PM

  As described in the video from Friday, the Surgeon called to explain what the results of the surgery were. I'm taking a big sigh for courage, as I post this very raw account of the last 2 days.

   Larry was on a zoom conference for his work when the call came Friday at noon. I motioned to him to come with his phone to record the phone meeting with the surgeon, while we both listened and I took notes. Once the call ended, Larry continued recording as I expressed my thoughts about what we'd just heard, mainly the need for aggressive chemo & radiation therapies. Larry grabbed a bite to eat and returned to his conference. I had soup & tried to lie down to shake off the wooziness I was experiencing. I was too restless, my head was pounding. I tried to watch/listen to something beautiful on YouTube. Can't remember what that was. After 2 hrs. I began to resent Larry's session, hearing stories about Plato & FD Roosevelt's personalities. I didn't tell him, that I wished he'd come out for a minute to check on me, I just asked him to put his headset on so I didn't have to listen. That's when I took off. I may have suggested I wanted to get-away to nature, but more than that, I needed to get away from him not being attentive to me.      

  Now this is where some will say "Poor Larry!" or "Poor Catherine!" Poor communication between us, at a powerfully shocking and painful time, is what it was. I didn't necessarily need to talk, I just needed to 'be'! And he, well, later he said he couldn't explain it. So the 'cool' atmosphere in our house lasted through the evening, with me not telling him what was going on with me, nor him with me.

  Saturday began the same way, with him in his 'cave' and me not doing a very good job of not stewing. I know, I could have said something to help change the tide, but me being me, thought he should 'just know' what I needed. He came out at noon and without a word, started rubbing my neck & shoulders. When I asked him what he thought of how we were handling the last 24 hrs., of course he froze, waiting for the cannon to fire. At least the ice was broken. It wasn't smooth sailing immediately, but gradually we were OK by bed time. 49 years of thankfully, not too many of those. He's him & I'm me! Thanks to God, we always come back to 'us'! (where we are now!) It's just a small part of the big picture. This was from a blog entry on December 18, the day we shared the news of my diagnosis. "Larry was so awesome, sitting beside me for almost every call." and Feb. 28 "embracing every moment in a love that is far beyond what we ever imagined when we said "I do!" 49 years ago." Peace has to begin with one of us! It's a choice I'll try to make sooner than later, next time! Most likely, there will be a next time, but hopefully later than sooner!

   This morning was a new day. Still in his conference, first thing this morning, Larry came out and asked if I'd like to go to church & receive Communion. Of course I said 'Yes'! I had just finished doing my morning reflection & journaling after viewing livestream Mass with Archbishop Michael's powerful homily at our parish today.

  We worked together, on Abby's birthday umbrella, got to the church on time, picked up soup from friends, then headed to South Surrey for a porch birthday visit.  

We're all better now… at least emotionally. Since the surgeon's call I still feel like I've been hit by a train (as if I know what that feels like). Until this morning, doom was pretty much the dominant force overwhelming me. Today's the first time I've spoken (a little) to anyone about the results. My niece was helpful (and always loving), as she shared her experience as an admin assistant to an oncologist.

  There are two verses that I'm embracing this week. Psalm 116:10 "I kept faith, even when I said "I am greatly afflicted!" and Psalm 23 "He restores my soul!" Always, always, no matter how 'low' my spirit goes, He always pulls me up and restores the peace I suffered without, for a while!     God bless you. Xoxoxo