Monday, May 24, 2021

   Hello! It's 5:06 a.m. as I begin this entry. I've been wide awake since 4:00 so I'm not gonna wrestle with trying to sleep a second night in a row. The night before was 2 sleeps of 1 hr. each with a 1/2 hr nap in the afternoon.  What keeps me awake at night is an ulcer like pain in my gut. I didn't think it was nausea (which I didn't have at all the 1st round. But last night I resorted to the prescription for nausea, which seemed to help slightly. (hence, the 4 hr sleep till now).

  This chemo treatment 4 days ago, was handled differently, because of the bad reaction I had during the first. I was so drunk, with the double dose of Benadryl & whatever, that I couldn't connect my water bottle with my mouth. When asked a question by the nurse, my answer was "bala-bubla-baba!" So weird. I couldn't stand for quite some time. Forget reading or using my brain for anything. !/2 way through, my nurse Mike (who was with me the 1st time) asked for the prescription 'mega' nausea pill I brought in. Oh no! Totally not prepared. Now, this is Abbotsford, its 1:55 and Larry was in Poco, without the prescription being filled. I knew he was going to our church to pray for an hour at 2:00.  When I called the church office, Geraldine 'just happened' to answer the phone. She got Larry to call me. Now that was fun, trying to spell the words on the prescriptions (both anti-nausea). Costco said "we'll have it ready!", One person in the line; traffic on freeway clear; Larry got to the hospital at 3:10. Miracle for sure! So, I'm not sure that 3:15 was in time to do the job this powerful pill is supposed to. Plus the fact I took one of the 6 follow-up antinausea pills without food, that has cause the discomfort, I'd not experienced at all the first time. I could say "It serves me right!", but 'right' is not a place my brain has been at all since the 'big drunk' on Thurs, followed by the 'hang over'. Well, I'll be on top of it next time, for sure.

   The thing about journaling when you're not feeling great, after churning in bed, is that it sounds quite whiney. But, that's where I'm at right now. And that's where I'll leave it.

   For the amount of time I stayed awake through till Sunday morning, much of the time, I was being filled with tremendous grace. All week, I'd been very aware of, and anticipating Pentecost Sunday, which was yesterday! Throughout the week, I would feel my heart swell with something 'too holy for words'! Understanding, thirsting for and receiving the grace of the Holy Spirit is what makes it, (even more than) bearable to endure suffering and give hope when anxiety, sadness or fear try to overwhelm me. Before going to chemo last week, a dear friend gifted me with a book, that ignited for me when I began to read it yesterday early morning. It's about St. Elizabeth of the Trinity, whose relationship with God was experienced by her and relayed to the world so beautifully, that, as tired as I was with only 2 hrs sleep, I felt more & more alive as I read and pondered the beauty of this treasure. My journaling then, was another beautiful encounter. 

    I was so happy to be alive & awake to go to Mass with Larry. We stay in the car, listening on fm radio, and process into the church to receive Holy Communion. I am so grateful for all that our priests do to serve us the best than they can during the pandemic.

   I'm hoping today will be better. Still a few bowls of chicken bok-choi soup in the fridge.

TTFN! Thanks for listening. All will be well. I hope it is for you. I'm offering up these yuckies as 'chin up' as I can in the hope that your 'yuckies' are few!  God bless you. I love you. Xoxoxo

(not proof read…I'm gonna try and catch a couple of winks)