Saturday, July 9, 2022

7:52 PM

Hello, again! It was so good to visit my 2 Aunties for a bit before going in to be with Larry today. Geraldine drove me in, and as we got out of the car across from the hospital, Shane was crossing the street in front of us, having just finished visiting 'Dad'! He was almost skipping. He got to witness his Dad follow the commands of "move your toes, fingers, etc." the bonus was, that he would repeat each command with a growly voice. Mary-Lynn (Larry's sis) also got to witness the same thing, plus Larry whisper/growling that he wanted the harness off of his wrist. She knew it was what he meant to say, although the words weren't quite all there.

  There Is a tablet in his room and he seems to calm when familiar music is played, whether it’s the Neil Young that Mary-Lynn played, or his favorite 2 Cellos, Hillsong, Spanish Guitar or Michael Buble singing "You'll never know just how much I love you."

  He's doing most of the work on his own and it's very hard work. His blood pressure 'ding' goes off quite often as it gets higher. I can't imagine how much discomfort, let alone pain he is feeling. His brow furrows quite often. I don't ask him questions, as a friend coached me the other day, by saying that if he understands the question but cannot respond, that would be upsetting to him. I agree! So lots & lots of affirmations. When I said "I love you!" I asked if he could say it and he did. Its growly like a bear. As I was leaving, I prayed the Lord's Prayer aloud and he gave me a growly "Amen!" 

   Again, it was lovely to visit with him in the chair. He loves getting feet, chest, arm rubs. I watched the breathing monitor be very sporadic until I rubbed his chest, then it was perfect rhythm. He needs all the oxygen he can get, so I hope he can maintain a good breathing pattern on his own.

  After our 50th Anniversary was over, I wondered, "What on earth do I have to share on my blog, now that we've celebrated our 50th and there are no more cancer treatments, only follow-ups every 3 months! Well, I could never have imagined that I would be reporting details about Larry hanging by a thread for his life.

  He was such a silent warrior/protector/care-giver for me, through last year's cancer surgery & treatments. He was a champion without ever complaining or being resentful. He's always taken good care of me and been a great protector. As for my role now as his advocate, I know I haven't processed it, because there is too darn much to process. I am not naïve, especially as I am familiar with many scenarios for the lives of stroke victims, from good 'comeback' to none at all. Whatever will be, will be! I will not speculate, but only hope. And in this week, it has been hoping from one hour to the next. I don't even know what I'm saying here! I'm just trying really hard not to be sad.  My body feels like jelly. My head is either buzzing or numb. My heart is aching.  I know that these things all fit the situation. & I am grateful that I can acknowledge them. So I'll leave it here.

  I appreciate coming home each night to the quiet and familiarity of our home. So that I don't have to keep repeating the updates , more & more people have been introduced to this blog, so I am lifted up by the tremendous outpouring of love, prayers & support. Thank you for your part in all of this.  God bless you!