Thursday, October 13, 2022

6:57 PM

Hello! Thank you for joining us in our day!

   Larry would have slept this day away, if he hadn't been summoned, or poked awake. I waited a while to wake him, after I arrived. He opened his eyes, then closed them again. 

  The physios came an hour later to transfer him to his wheelchair. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact here. The wheelchair is not appropriate for him. It was assigned to him when he arrived at RCH & he has only been in it a couple of times. I was concerned at first to see that the back of the chair only goes as high as his shoulder blades. Previously, his chair had a higher back with a head rest. As it turns out, Larry proved that he can indeed sit strait up, without as much support as he deeded before. His chair was positioned between his bed & the neighbour's closed curtain, with no foot plates, but rather a couple of pillows to rest his feet on. The chair did have an air seat, but the tilt of the chair made his feet dangle. In the past, he has appreciated being able to plant both feet on the floor. Before knowing that he couldn't leave his room in this chair, he said "Yes!" when I asked if he'd like a change of scenery. There is a great window that looks out on all the business of construction on the new hospital tower. I hope tomorrow the chair fits & will be a means to more than just sitting in an unstimulating environment. (Well, maybe I am complaining.) 

 The O.T. came & Larry was attentive & cooperative with the activities she had him do re: eye - hand coordination. Once she left, I asked Larry if he'd like to do some exercises with the rubber resistance bands. He said "No!" & closed his eyes, like he does much of the time. I asked how he was ever going to go to a rehab centre, if he doesn't put greater effort into the rehab he can do now. He said "OK!" & did a lot of work, initiating various exercises himself. The more he did, the more he did. He didn't seem to get fatigued. I can see him getting stronger.

 There was no expression of interest today, regarding whether I was there or not! Asking him what he is thinking, never gets a response. I don't know at all how he is processing all that has happened; what his abilities & disabilities are; the things he won't be able to do as he did before. There is so much loss to grieve! In trying to encourage someone, others often say "Focus on the things you can do!" When the 'can do' seems so minimal compared to what the 'could do's' were, it's a terrific storm to navigate through, without being able to see very far ahead, & especially, when he's lost in the middle of it. I just want the best for him, each day! I don't want him to miss out on any opportunity that brings 'life' to what he considers 'lifeless' days. I know firsthand what depression, & I pray that Larry will be spared that desolate place. Beyond good, pro-active medical care, I pray that Larry is being loved into a persevering, determined, courageous & peace filled, positive will, by all whom he means so much to. There is a tremendous amount here, to think, feel & say, and nothing can come close to describing what Larry is going through. He has amazed me at how peaceful he has been through so much of all that has tried to destroy him. That was my prayer from the start, that he would have peace, no matter what was to come.

  About his 'Blah' or no response or acknowledgement of me, I know that he has occasionally been that way for our sons, & other close family members. As a friend said "Who else would he feel he could be that way with, when he doesn't have it in him to try or even want to try?" I do know that Larry has seen that same 'remoteness' in me during my struggles, where others would not have witnessed that, because I lifted my chin & tried to smile for them.

 I'm going to leave it here. It's too much to comprehend. I entrust Larry into God's care. The one time today that Larry responded to me & peace was evident, was when I prayed the healing prayer in his ear, again, with his hand holding mine on his heart!

  God bless you with peace, in the midst of the storms in your own life!